You know when you feel like complete shit, and how nothing can fix the irreparable rift inside of you? It happened tonight.
Part of the problem is time. Time is one thing I don’t have. In a year and a half, I graduate high school. My dad thinks that I won’t be able to make it in college. And somewhere, deep down inside, there’s a nagging voice telling me that he’s right. I’m a constant fuck-up. I can’t even contain myself, how am I supposed to hold a job? Become independent? Maybe eventually. But right now, I’m a sack of flesh grounded to my parents. My dad expects me to become independent. He’ll be 55 this year, and just doesn’t have the money to keep me in the house much longer. I won’t even talk about my brother
At this point, I don’t know what my purpose is or what I’m feeling. Hell, if I was dead tomorrow, nobody would miss me except my friends, but eventually they would carry on. It’s easier to end it all, the question is, do I really want to? At this point, I don’t know what to do. I’m losing sleep and sanity. There aren’t that many options left for me. College is a dead-end, and I don’t really have much of a future. I don’t know how I’ll survive when everything is gone.
The automotive equivalent of a pet rhinoceros for your time.