The Art Of The Deal; 2019 Edition

Yes it’s a Florida car, yes it is dually’d at the center, but not the back.
Yes it’s a Florida car, yes it is dually’d at the center, but not the back.

Step 1; Wait until your opponents have maximum tactical advantage over you before asking for something they don’t want to give you. If you have the advantage before hand and can get it without their interference FOR LITERALLY YEARS ...don’t.

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Step 2; When talks begin, tell your opponents that you will take the full broadside of the fallout if talks fall apart. If this means a punch in the dick everyday for however long until talks are resumed or the problem is resolved some other way, tell them that you will take it. Make sure it is televised so millions of people will see it and millions more will tweet and meme it for those that didn’t.

Step 3; Demand everything you want and offer nothing. Do this from a position of tactical weakness so you are guaranteed to get turned down. Storm out of the talks like this totally preventable outcome wasn’t made inevitable by your own actions.

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Step 4; Blame your opponents for the fallout. When people point out all that stuff you said in Step 2, just tell everyone you didn’t say that.

Step 5; Make an offer that is not at all comparable to what you are asking for, such that your opponents won’t even be pressured to say yes by anyone, even under dire circumstances.

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Step 6; Relent and give your opponents everything they want while you have made no progress at all towards what you wanted, but only after you’ve done a totally preventable and devastating amount of damage to yourself.