Hey everyone, I’ve been on a long vacation traveling to a few places and finally have returned to the lovely company of the Oppos. Lot has happened since then. Bear with me, it’s long. But this needs to be vented. I promise I’ll post rallycross photos later this week.
To bring you all up to speed, I last posted that I entered to fight in Rough N Rowdy. Once I hit submit, I hopped on to a plane to Dallas to visit a friend and attend a wedding (which was cancelled due to hurricane). The very next day, I got a call from the promoter saying I was in. They loved my video, loved the energy, and thought I was a perfect fit for this type of event.
Without me even saying a thing, word spread like wildfire. Calls and texts from friends saying congratulations and good luck. My boxing gym I work out at called and discussed private boxing class options for the next few weeks. Even two podcasts inquired and wanted me to come on and talk about the fight. Everything was happening fast.
Maybe a little too fast. The parents called. And I received quite the opposite reception from them compared to everyone else. They were furious. They were confused. They were hurt. Their perception of an amateur boxing match is strictly negative. Without going in to too much detail, they assumed I will come out of the fight braindead or worse. Regardless of the safety precautions taken by not only me, but the properly sanctioned event, they assumed I wasn’t coming out of this alive. This isn’t a Fight Club type of fight. I had to get a blood test and a physical done by my doctor, another physical by the event’s doctor before the weigh in, a COVID test, all of this is regulated and sanctioned by the state’s boxing committee. Three one minute rounds that have routinely been called short if any competitor is showing to be defenseless in a match.
I should note, that I have a minor history of concussions from my football career. Nothing severe, like major memory loss or anything permanent. And each occurrence was properly treated my medical staff and doctors; each time receiving clearance to play again. With that, my folks leaned on that as their main reason for their distaste for this.
Do they have a point? Sure. Is there a higher risk of injury doing this compared to not? Sure. Did I consider this when entering? Absolutely. I’m 28 years old, and I like to think I put plenty of research into decisions as big as this. Heck, I spent almost two months shopping for rally lights for the van. There is a safety risk in almost every extracurricular activity out there. Rallycross? I could wreck the vehicle. (they also don’t like me racing either; same idea) Or, another vehicle can lose control on the course. Lifting weights at the gym? Heavy weights everywhere ready to crush every part of your body. Walking around a city on vacation? Someone could be in a bad move and want to swing at me. Tired of me asking rhetorical questions and immediately answering them? Sorry.
But this wasn’t it. This was the tip of the iceberg. Any disagreement I have with my folks about my decisions always leads to the same procedure. After calming my mother down from hysterically crying over the phone, all four of my siblings call. It’s like clockwork. Each one taking their side for the most part. Regardless of the topic of discussion, it leads to a discussion about whether or not I care about my family. According to all of them, deciding to enter this fight shows I do not care about my family and how they feel.
And this escalades to the root of it all: my location. My parents are very family oriented. They love having the family close by to spend time and support each other. In a perfect world, I get it. But I knew since high school I probably won’t be moving back to Chicago any time soon with my choice in careers. And I made that loud and clear whenever we talked about it. I wanted to work in the auto industry, and there is not a lot around Chicago. This grip around the family affected me all the way back to my college search. Between looking for a good engineering program, and being recruited for football, I was getting interest in schools all over the world. I’d talk to my parents about a school in Texas that wants to offer me a scholarship, and the engineering program is great. But immediately gets shut down because it’s too far from Chicago. I ended up at Ferris State University in Michigan. It’s a brief 3.5 hour drive from the folks, but even that was hard to swallow for them.
The next 5 years was spent hearing them ask me to come in on weekends, which was difficult to do juggling a football season (and off season) and a part time job. They’d visit a few times a year, but that wasn’t good enough for them. It was a handful when it came time to find an internship, I would have gone anywhere to get great experience for my degree. Alas, I had to settle on a supervisor internship an hour outside of Chicago. Was it at an automotive company? Sure. Was the convenience of being close to home helpful with living situations? Oh yeah! But it had little to nothing to do with my degree.
Fast forward to my job search. You know my folks wanted me back at that plant in Belvidere. I could live at home until I could afford a place to live. But they weren’t hiring. And other actual engineering positions I applied and interviewed for passed because I had zero experience in that field. I did get one offer, another supervisor position in metro Detroit. I was ecstatic. My first big time job out of college. I called them with the news. Their only response after a few seconds of silence was, “What about Belividere?”
Make no mistake. If there was/is an engineering position in the automotive industry around Chicago, I’d be interested. Throughout the three years living in Detroit, I always checked to no avail. When I was offered the job I currently am at in Cleveland, I received the same let down response as last time. This time, I was thoroughly excited for this position. It’s finally an engineering position that pays so much better than my last job When I told my (at the time) girlfriend about my offer. She screamed with excitement. I bought an engagement ring the very next day. Even her parents (who live in Lansing, Michigan) were more excited for me than my parents are.
Throughout these last 5 years of living in the eastern time zone, I’ve come home on average once per month. Whether it’s for a holiday weekend, or someone’s birthday, whatever. Missus and I will burn vacation days and gallons of gas to come in to town. Coming home has become less welcoming every time. It started with them telling me how much they miss me, but now they ask when (not if) I will ever move home. It’s to a point where I’m being asked to look for a job outside of the industry just to move closer. They are asking me to throw away this job I’ve worked so hard to get just to be geographically closer.
I can count on one finger how many times my family has come visit me in either town. Yes, literally once over 5 years has my family come visit. I live in Cleveland now, and promised my dad to not go to the Rock n Roll hall of fame until we go together. Still haven’t gone. I’ll give them a year break due to the Covid, but still waiting for them to come visit their son they miss so much.
The missus doesn’t want to move either. She is a full time nanny for a family that loves her so much. She is happier than ever with her career. And she made it clear to me that she will not be happy moving to Chicago. Sure, she can find another nanny gig. I mention this because one of my siblings went through something similar. My oldest sister married a civil engineer from rural southern Illinois. He started a job down in southern Indiana making great great money working a coal pit. She was a well overqualified nurse doing well herself. They lived there for ten years and had two kids. But the constant peddling from my parents to move home broke her. She made the family move to Chicago. She found another nurse gig, but he took a massive pay cut working construction. Three years later, they divorced. My parents will never admit it, but I am 100% blaming the relocation for their demise.
So I’ve backed out of the fight, and apologized to the promoter for having to schedule someone else so late. Whatever, I’m over it. But I haven’t been the same since. After returning from vacation, I talked with my parents and siblings on the phone again talking about the same things: location, location, location. They will not budge an inch on their point. They want me “home”. I’m being told I’m “killing your mother” from my dad. Siblings are telling me I need to care more about them. It’s been a dark week, and have fallen in to a depression I never have felt before. I haven’t talked to any of them since last Monday, and no clue when I will talk to them again.
These are the same parents that pushed me to get good grades and go to school to get a good job. Now they want me to throw all that away. I initially didn’t want to go to college. I wanted to go to a technical school and be a mechanic, but they insisted otherwise. Hey mom n dad, guess where I might be living if I became a mechanic?
