I still want to start my own small business and build a house. That’s not changing. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about stuff and I think I’ve committed to something as of today: I’m moving back with my parents and quitting my job in December, in favor of a part-time gig that’s yet to be decided. They’re more than happy to have me back for a while, and I really feel like I need this for my mental health. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for about 11 years now and the same thing comes up every time: work is terrible. I’ve gone through so many great jobs and every single one of them has started out great and quickly changed. The jobs didn’t change, but my attitude did; I feel overwhelmed and trapped. It’s not that I just want free time, either. I actually hate my time off because it just reminds me that I have no friends and my entire social life is just interacting with customers, and sometimes Oppo. I feel like I really just need to be able to find myself and I can’t do that when I’m working 12-hour shifts like I have tomorrow. Honestly, I’d quit right now if I didn’t have four months left on my lease.
Am I making any sense? I just want a chance to feel *okay* again, and I can’t do that when I have a full time job. I have a place to stay and people to support me. It’s not a matter of if I can, but rather just if I should. I feel like it’s a huge step backwards, but maybe that’s the right thing to do. To quote my favorite band, Japanther: "we've come so far, but how far have we gone off track?"