[POLITICS] A Conversation with the USA's 47th President, Douglas DeMuro

If you live within The Beltway, you already know the career and platform of one Douglas “Doug” DeMuro, America’s 47th President. For those unaware, Mr. DeMuro’s political career began with an announcement of his neoliberal views to his over ninety thousand Twitter followers.

YIMBY, an acronym for “Yes in My Backyard” is a pro-development movement that directly opposes NIMBY, or Not in My Backyard. YIMBY’s typically fight for fewer zoning restrictions, allowing property owners to build what they wish.

Of course, a man such as Mr. DeMuro is not a one-issue politician. Below is a transcript of a recent conversation with 47th President.

Mr. DeMuro, thank you for joining us today

Mr. DeMuro, this is an interview, not a review. You do not need to start by saying, “This.”

That is why we are here, Mr. DeMuro.

We are excited as well, Mr. DeMuro. You tell us you care. When did you start to care about neoliberalism?

Ah yes, a globalist of the Eisenhower tradition. You need to understand the world to succeed in it. What this enough to make you reject nativist populism?

Free trade is a hallmark of the neoliberal platform. The more restricted the markets, the more restricted the people. Have you accepted any other hallmark platforms?

Efficient cars; the most incrementalist of incrementalist policies. What kind of smaller cars do you want for your constituents?

Next question: where do you want to take your economic policies?

Such as? Take me there

I’m listening

But economic activity is driven by trade, not looks

This what, Mr. DeMuro?

I see. Neither you nor I have slept outside a car dealership, yet some do, while others drive though horse farms. You will fight wealth inequality.

We all appreciate keeping it simple, Mr. DeMuro. What made you choose wealth inequality as a primary problem to confront?

Was runaway inflation the only reason?

Yes, wealth concentration is on the minds of many Americans. What lifestyle do you think a typical American should attain?

I suspect the typical American has children. Will that car fit in a typical lifestyle?

Yes, minivans are much more reasonable. We are running out of time. What final words do you have for voters?

Yes, Mr. DeMuro, we live in serious times.