I'm officially hiring Stef Schrader.

Illustration for article titled Im officially hiring Stef Schrader.

She writes for me from now on. You missed your chance, Okulski and Kristen. Especially Kristen. You could have saved her. Where’s your money when Jalopnik needed it? You are a fraud, and I am not, for I was able to exercise my might.

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I shall now inject $20 million into Jalopnik, with the sole rider being that no one ever gives David Tracy money. I’ll pull funding if I see even ONE of his projects getting completed.