Week 2! The thought of the Browns winning on Thursday night was apparently too much for my brain to handle, because when I went to ESPN.com to check the score I saw 28-13 or 28-16, and I read it as the Bengals winning. I didn’t have any strong feelings about it; honestly, I think my brain saw a game between those two teams and just went “IDK, Bengals I guess LOL”.
The next paragraph is me ranting about my team, so if you want to skip it, feel free.
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Well, I thought the Broncos had a better defense than THAT. They just could not get off the field in the second half. And apparently Vic Fangio has a degree from the Andy Reid School of Time Management. I get it, he’s a defensive coach, but COME ON. Leave your offense some time to at least try to get in field goal range, goober. Oh, and the best part is they get a short week AND have an early road game against the Steelers. So, my guess is they start 0-2 for the second year in a row. The only nagging feeling I get is that everyone I’ve seen is picking the Steelers. When everyone thinks something is going to happen, things tend to get wacky. That’s probably the only thing going for them, but I doubt it’ll be enough. Barring a major starter going down to injury in this game, I still think the Broncos beat the Bucs in week 3, though.
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I may have mentioned before that I hate when my team plays early Sunday games. Still do. They throw off my whole Sunday. Our CBS schedule will be Broncos-Steelers early followed by Chiefs-Chargers, with the Chargers having their first home game at Sophie Ellis-Bextor Stadium. I think the Chefs are probably too good for the Chargers to handle right now. Our only Fox game is the Football Team at the Cardinals. Hmm. That might actually be a fun one to watch. I think I’ll take tiny QB for the win. Sunday Night Football is the Cam-Patriots at the Seahawks. I’m leaning toward the Seahawks, but I could see this game going either way. Wow. I think I have a pretty decent slate of games to watch today, which probably means I’ll get called into work. Then on Monday Night the Raiders get to open the Death Roomba against the Saints. I’d be shocked if the Saints don’t win.
The rest (remember, if I pick your team... be afraid):
Bills at Dolphins - Bills. How long before we see Tua? Or is this supposed to be one of Fitzpatrick’s good weeks?
49ers at Jets - Niners, but can you imagine what would happen if the Jets win and the Niners start 0-2? Oy.
Vikings at Colts - Vikings if Rivers throws a bunch of picks again, otherwise I think it’s a toss up.
Jags at Titans - Gardner Minshew is like if Old Milwaukee Beer were a person. I think I’ll try to come up with a new one every week. It should be a fun game, but I think I have to go with the Titans.
Falcons at Cowboys - Wow, three of the games today are people vs. birds. Can birbs sweep all three games? Nah, I think the Cowboys win.
Rams at Eagles - The Eagles were struggling to protect Carson Wentz last week, and now they have to face Aaron Donald? Double oy. Give me the Rams.
Giants at Bears - Is Mitch Trubisky a real boy? Is Daniel Jones? Are any of us, really? REALITY IS A MEANINGLESS CONSTRUCT TO DISTRACT US ALL FROM THE VOID!! *clears throat* Sorry. I’ll take the Bears.
Lions at Packers - Packers, because the Lions barely ever win at Lambeau unless the Packers’ coach is about to be fired.
Panthers at Bucs - I think the Bucs are in for a rough few weeks. I honestly believe they might go 1-4 before they start to click and go on a run. I am leaning toward them in this game, though.
Ravens at Texans - I don’t think it’ll be as lopsided as last season. I guess I’ll take the Ravens again, though I think I’d like to see the Texans bring them back down to earth.
So, after one week... does your team need to fire the head coach immediately and burn it all down or are they going 16-0 and SUPER BOWWLLLLLLLL!!!!!? No mild takes, dammit!