Here is one that’s been in my drafts folder for a while.
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Finally, the answers nobody cares about, to the questions nobody asked.
Here are my scathing hot takes on the crap y’all ruin tasty food with.
Mustard: Tastes like shit
Ketchup: Tastes like sugary shit
Mayo: Is the devil
Miracle Whip: Are you fuckin’ kidding me? No!
Pickles: Taste like salty turds
Pickle Relish: Tastes like salty diarrhea
You may ask yourself, what does Shop Teacher (who is incidentally from Chicagoland and HATES Chicago style hot dogs) put on his hotdogs?
Onions and tomatoes.
Your cheeseburgers?
Onions and tomatoes.
Your bratwurst?
Onions
What if those aren’t available?
Meat and the bun. Meat is tasty enough.
Your french fries? Surely you must put something on your french fries Shop Teacher.
Salt. Period. French fries don’t need help.
You may inquire about other condiments, if you chose. I will now don my flame-suit to combat all of your so wrong so so wrong takes.