I guess it’s for the best. She needs someone who isn’t me..
I’m still in shock and am not really sure how or what to feel. The breakup went as well as a breakup could...just...yeah. The sadder thing was I expected this to happen, eventually. It was just a question of when and how.
Long story short, when we started this relationship she quickly realized that I’m not the dominant type person she needs to lead a relationship. We loved each other to death so we plowed forward anyway. I tried to be that person and as of the past idk months I just couldn’t. My indecisiveness crept up and became a regular thing. I couldn’t make solid decisions on anything and effectively shouldered the burden on her. I can’t blame her... and I’m sorry.
Nowadays when I start a relationship, I ask the other person to give me closure if it all goes wrong so I can try to be a better person. I got what I asked for. *Sigh* I guess I am still a shitshow in some areas.
ETA: I guess I don’t necessarily need to be dominant (just not be with someone who needs that), but I definitely need to work on indecisive.
My job search and move to Chicago are indefinitely on hold. I’m going to renew my lease here. At least I’m no longer worrying about a tight timetable to get the cabrio driving again.
I guess not all is bad. She redefined what a relationship should be to me. And whether I like it or not, I will now have much more time and money for wrenching.
The hardest thing moving forward will be not hating or hurting myself for ruining what I felt was the relationship of a lifetime. A part of me feels like this is karma for the hearts I’ve hurt over the years. By that logic, I still have to have my heart broken two more times.
Have a Fiat 500 for your time..
